Oh Motivation....Where have you gone???

So I'm a teacher and I'm used to having time off to relax, rejuvenate and have fun. The only problem is that this year, for the first time since I was 5, I did not have the deadline of school starting in late August to loom over me and remind me that real life begins the last Wednesday in August. This lack of work has turned me into the biggest unmotivated lump ever! It is 12:30 and my big accomplishment for Wednesday has been taking a shower. I really feel pathetic, but I just have no motivation. There are no friends who might drop by to say hi or have dinner so who cares if the leaves that Samson tracked through my kitchen yesterday are still festively decorating the floor? Who cares if the blanket protecting the ottoman looks like we've adopted a 2 foot tall square cat? And who cares if my sweatpants go on at 6am and stay on until J and I go to the dog park at 6pm? Don't get me wrong, I like living in a clean place, but I am so unmotivated that rather than cleaning I just go someplace else in the house where I don't have to worry about the unfolded socks that are calling my name! I haven't cooked dinner in a week, and I am even thinking about going to the Kiwanis meeting tonight just so I have another excuse not to cook.

I know reality will hit hard when I am working again, but it's been so long that I have given up hope of finding a stable job for the remainder of this school year...and it's only October. I have friends who are taking trips, buying new things for their new homes and thinking about the future...and unfortunately with $0 a month coming from my said of the paycheck, I can't even begin to think about the future without J pulling me back and showing me that we have to pay for here and now before anything else.

The worst part of it all is that with nothing to do and no place to go I often find myself wandering through the kitchen thinking, "I really could go for some rice..." or "I wonder how that pizza would taste cold...". I'm in denial about the fact that even if I get a job this fall/winter, I might not have clothes that fit to provide a proper Monday-Friday wardrobe. I try to talk to J about it, but he tells me everything will be fine, and when he suggests that maybe I should vacuum the stairs or mop the floor...I break down and cry because if I had a job I wouldn't have all of this free time to complete household tasks. I need motivation, and it has to be something more than "I'll take you for custard after we go to the dog park".

Help...somebody!